Baby Eczema: What Has Changed the Trajectory of our Lives

If I could sum up our lives in one word, it would probably be chaos. I haven't wanted it to be that way, but it has just been that way. Since becoming a mother, I have felt like the biggest failure on the face of the planet. Plenty of experiences have really pushed me to the edge as well. These past almost four years have been the hardest of my life.

There are people who claim that they are single parents but have tons of help. They just like the title. Me, I am really a single parent. I don't have help when it comes to my daughter. My mother is the most toxic person that I refuse to be around my child unless supervised. It wasn't always that way until the last experience I had with her showed me just how detrimental it would be to expose my daughter to her negativity any further.

It's funny how all of this has followed me all my life until now. I won't allow toxic individuals to be in our lives. I won't hesitate to burn bridges if those bridges are better off burned. I have spent far too much time not establishing boundaries that now I will establish them without a doubt or question as to whether it is deserved. 

When I go back to the beginning, my daughter and I have dealt with her childhood eczema her entire life. It has been the main source of her being sick all of the time and continues to be the main issue in the reason why I am currently unemployed. She scratches her skin for relief but doesn't stop until her skin is broken open, bloody, and eventually infected. Full-time childcare simply became a cesspool of germs that she couldn't fight because her immune system couldn't keep up. 

Now imagine dealing with this every single day. Every night has been just as difficult with no sleep. She would wake up just to scratch. So, there I am every night, rubbing her legs so she wouldn't rip them open. Fatigue is the least of my problems. 

The following are the things that I have used to no avail. Her eczema has been the main reason I will most likely need to pull her from childcare altogether instead of just part-time, and search for some kind of work from home. 

Aquaphor Healing Ointment 

Aveeno Baby Daily Moisture Lotion

Aveeno Eczema Therapy Moisturizing Cream

Vani Cream Moisturizing Lotion

Viva-Naturals Organic Extra-Virgin Coconut Oil 

Aveeno Soothing Bath Treatment - Colloidal Oatmeal Skin Protectant 

First Aid Beauty Ultra Repair Cream, Intense Hydration

Aveeno, Eczema Therapy Itch Relief Balm

African Black Soap

Vaseline Baby Healing Jelly

Hydrocortisone

Levocetirizine

Daily baths in lukewarm water

Daily baths in a half cup of bleach to a tub full of warm water

Triamcinolone topical steroid ointment

Steroid injections

Castor oil applications over the site or in her case, all over her legs and arms

Wet pajamas: cover skin in one part Triamcinolone steroid and two parts Aquaphor healing ointment, put one set of pajamas in warm water, ring the excess water out and put them on, then put on a second dry set and wear them overnight.

Vegan Diet

Gluten Free Diet

No Dairy

This is the list. I am certain I am missing things. The feelings of inadequacy come from my not knowing the magic formula. I am exhausted, I am frustrated, I feel like a horrible mother at times, too. She has seen a specialist that continues to instruct me to do the same thing which is beyond insanity to continue for something that does not work. I have also seen a dermatologist. I've seen an allergist, gone through two pediatricians. Three sessions of bloodwork to find no food allergies. 

This last experience just put me over the edge. I became extremely ill. Almost six weeks of misdiagnosis and then ultimately diagnosed with bronchitis. She was also sick and with yet another episode of extreme eczema where she had open sores that were oozing. More infection. I pleaded with the nurse at Redimed because I was just at a place where pure desperation met depression because I was so ill and had no time to recover because she was sick, too. I couldn't stop crying. I was so overwhelmed, couldn't keep it together because I felt like it was the last resort. They ask me all the same questions every time, too. Have you taken her to a specialist? Have you changed her diet? Have you blah, blah, blah! I'm so tired you guys. Beyond tired. 

This past year I lost everything. Everything. 

I'm taking this year to rebuild and figure out how to eventually be self-employed. Not having a support system has been really difficult.