Face to Face


I will always tell the truth
I will always follow through
I am a woman of my word

I have been disappointed enough to know that these three things are important if you want authentic relationships and friendships based on trust and loyalty. And if I cannot deliver on any one of these, I will absolutely call myself out and take ownership instead of leave someone hanging. This is why the friendships I have are to the core of my being and for life. There are so many people who do not understand this. And this is why I now have no problem letting them go.

If I decide to pursue a relationship, it will be emotionally, spiritually, and then physically. Being emotionally available is essential. If a person is unwilling to try, then there is no point for me to try either.

This past weekend, I was face to face with my abuser, after over a year and a half of not speaking to him. I don't know why he initiated conversation with my family; I don't know why he talked to any of us. But he made it a point to stay after the show for a long while to approach us. After shaking everyone's hands, he extended his hand and shook mine. "Hello. How are you?" is all I would say. He didn't even look at me as he said the same thing. I don't know what else was exchanged. And later on, I realized that once I owned the emotions I felt, I understood the underlying feeling I felt was grief. And I have since felt freer than I could ever imagine. A chapter closed completely. A chapter that will remain sealed because the karmic lesson has taken place. I will never look back. And I will never allow myself to be treated that way ever again.

There will come a time when the love I have to give will be appreciated because I will find my equal. I will find the one that has empathy and compassion. The one that loves himself and can be reciprocated authentically because he will have met himself as deeply as I have met myself.






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