The Miracle

For the longest time, having children was a fear of mine. I didn't want any for so many reasons. As life progressed, I learned that it was my biggest desire to have a real family of my own, and to find someone who truly understood what it meant to co-exist in a partnership. I am as independent as they come, and a person who completely loathes co-dependency after years of thriving on it in some way, shape, or form. The validation I needed from my exes was due to my own insecurities which I have since overcome and realized that I was indeed co-dependent. I do not and have never denied my brokenness. There was a time I didn't know it was not just them; it was me, too. I had to take responsibility to heal all of those layers that stunted my growth and made me allow men to treat me like shit.

Throughout the years of abuse I have endured, those experiences jaded me in the sense that, I would have to really work to heal all of the trauma in order to be in a space where I could even consider having children. I also felt like I had to meet someone that would be worthy of the authentic person I have become.

The person I thought I would be building a foundation with turned out to be like all of the others that have come before him. But that doesn't change the love I have for him. It was different. This time, I completely understand him. Which is honestly the first time I can truly say that. We are two different people, on two different roads, with two different missions, and two different destinies that choose not to come together. I get it. I understand.

If he only knew...

I know that this is the greatest gift of my life. The unconditional love that I have never experienced, but knew was possible, has been manifested. I don't need anyone else but me and my baby. There is a big difference between needing and wanting.

My baby is MY miracle.

My baby fought to get here.

My baby chose me.

I will learn what it means to truly love and be loved, teach and be taught, learn how to let that love go, and allow.

I am a better person as a result of this experience.

And I tell baby that I am proud and love baby so much, because I do.

Baby is due on Valentine's Day.



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