The Chosen One

If I think back to when I first saw him, he was walking from the threshold of where the gates merged into one exit, which lead to the entrance of the common area of the airport. With his black duffle bag in hand, not knowing exactly where to go, I saw him. I knew it was him. Him and his glorious black hair that just made you want to run your fingers through it for hours. Oh my God, what a beautiful man. I still say this about him whenever I talk about him. He is the most beautiful man I have ever seen. He has a mysterious energy to him, with his dark piercing eyes that mesmerize when you look into them; but upon spending time with him, he is down to earth with aspirations and goals, extremely talented, and funny as hell. A total New Yorker. And that moustache. That is definitely what got me. I admit, there is something about his energy that made me swoon.

It is the memories of him that make me miss him today. We had experiences together that I consider to be so special. Thunder storms, french fries, wine, pasta, baseball, jazz, dancing in my living room, grocery shopping, movies, seltzer, he was always drinking seltzer, shopping. We did so much in such a short period of time. I know that it would have continued to be amazing. But life happens. Things happen. Things that we thought were within our control were indeed not. Unhealed trauma was unleashed.

I was in love with him. I trusted him.

He has never known unconditional love. Neither have I for that matter. Every person that has ever been in my life has put conditional expectations on me as if I was just supposed to comply with their unrealistic outdated chauvinism. There was always something I sacrificed, always something I gave up in the process. And I didn't want that for us.

He is the chosen one by the hands of fate and destiny.

He is the one that gave me the greatest gift of my life.

He means the world to me because he gave me our daughter.

Loving someone means having to let them go. And I did. I don't expect us to be together. But I know we will work as a team for her.

The soul ties that bind do not have a say in our free will. But he is free to roam as he wishes. I know that I cannot attach myself to anything or anyone because none of it is mine to attach to. And I hope that he understands that I would never want anything but the best for him. I will never clip his wings.

The only person I can trust is myself. And I do. For the first time in my life, I do. All of me.




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