Commitment

The only thing I have ever committed to in my life is my daughter. She is literally the only one. 

Hell, there are so many years I hadn't even committed to myself. Years of self-doubt, years of self-sabotage. I even tried being a wife, twice, but I never really committed to being one. I didn't want to be abused by a second person. One was just enough - me. It wasn't until I found out I was pregnant and knew I would be doing it solo, that I committed to myself so I could commit to her.  Every single day that passes, I accept the circumstances in which she came into my life because she is literally the greatest miracle that brings me the greatest joy; a joy that will be unmatched for eternity. 

I'm listening to a song by The Weekend that I hadn't heard before until very recently and wow does it resonate with me. It reminds me of my daughter's father, from the perspective of how I used to see life before my awakening happened. He has his own journey. I don't know his perspective. But for me, none of what happened between us matters to me anymore. It just doesn't. We have experiences that teach us about ourselves and how we choose to respond to them creates our reality. 

I don't see life the way I used to.  It amazes me how this journey has come to this point. I am an observer to the greatest show on earth. 

I am connected to no one and connected to everyone. My purpose is bigger than anyone's opinion of me. I don't take anything personal. I don't expect anything from anyone anymore. I don't expect reciprocity. I don't believe in expectations. Why would I want someone to expect something of me? I do not need that added pressure. I put that on myself enough. I am still on the fence in deciding whether or not I believe in marriage. 

I am happy for perhaps the first time in my life because I understand what this journey is all about. ME! I am with the love of my life; she is amazing and everything I knew love could be. That is all I want. I have never been more connected to my emotions. I've seen a lot in my lifetime already. I wish to live my life peacefully and full of love for the remainder of it. Whatever that means will reveal itself with time. And I will only allow experiences and relationships that are for our highest good. I have my daughter to protect.




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