Something Permament

Is it unreasonable to say that we do not choose our own path? Or is the point to realize that the path has been chosen for us and it is up to us to re-discover it? There is nothing permanent about anything. Not even life itself; it is ever changing with one season to the next. Whimsical promises, walking in the clouds. Is it just one big love story without an ending? Oh if only I could see life as one big love story, and just stop looking for something permanent. 

You know, the other day, I saw the dove in the same place from when she moved in when I did two years ago. I'm not saying it's the same dove. But she happened to choose the same place where the original nest used to be. She flew off when I saw her. Reminders. 

What is this world that I have created? 

See...I want to matter to someone. And I want that someone to matter to me; For the right reasons. On the same frequency. I want what I keep putting off. I want what I keep saying "maybe tomorrow" to. 

Vulnerability and intimacy are not my strong suits. I realize it is because of my conditioning that I am chiseling away at, acknowledging the lack of emotional support when I was my most vulnerable; when I was a child...baby Jess. 

I understand this about myself and I grab my daughter tight, hoping she never stops trusting that love is always something permanent. 

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