My Road To Peace

There is so much on my mind that I just want to dump it all out. But I don't even know where to start. Perhaps the mind shift began as soon as I realized how inequitable my current job is and how I made the decision to look for another one, applied to the only position I would consider, and got the job. My current job changed two years ago when the university began its restructuring. I flowed with these changes to be part of a new department. My job title didn't change but they did away with my boss and I got a new one. So instead of being a part of alumni and community engagement, I became part of Academic and Student Affairs. It made sense at the time. As the job shifted, my responsibilities shifted as well. However, things were being added on, but nothing was being taken away. I was soon doing so many things that it became just too much for one person to handle. At least, too much for ME to handle. There has been no time to think, no time for professional development, no time for research, and no time for student services even though student services is my job! I wonder if there would be shock if I told you everything I was doing. When I was in my interview for my new position at a different institution, they all looked at me in shock, kind of laughed at how much I had been attempting to balance, that when I said I was looking for something a little more focused, their response was, we just hope you don't get bored!

I woke up one morning and asked myself, "pa qué?!" What for?! Why am I killing myself? I don't deserve this! My daughter doesn't deserve this version of me, either!

Thinking of my journey, I was raised with the mentality of your worth being your job. Coming to terms with that was excruciating until I refused to allow that ridiculous mentality to dominate my thoughts any further. I won't allow anyone to tell me that a title is what defines my self worth. 

Add in being a single mother and holy hell, the stress factor was through the roof for various reasons. I told myself, I must do what is right, not what is easy. And let me just say, this is one of the hardest decisions I have had to make for me and my daughter. One of the hardest. And what is right for me right now is to be in a more focused position where I am not needed after hours or during the weekends. I need a position that I don't have to take home with me every night. I need to find balance in order for my daughter to be provided for, emotionally and developmentally. 

Leaving is the easiest thing for me knowing that I can focus on her after work, completely. Leaving is my road to peace. 




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