La Trenza del Barrio

I have been trying to find the right words since July. I have been trying to identify the words that would give my emotions their due justice. I'm pretty sure there is still some anger there, so I have treaded lightly and stayed silent until I knew I could practice forgiveness. It took some time to really sift through these emotions because I had not had an occasion to truly reflect on my career and the many experiences I've had that have contributed to how I see this area of my life.  I have been consistently tested on my work ethic throughout the years; and this time around was no different. The thing about this time is that I was unwilling to compromise my work ethic and integrity any further, seeing the very position I found myself in, set me up for failure right from the get go. It took me eight months to see clearly what was happening. When your leader is willing to report inconsistencies when it comes to data reporting, and then punish the new data person for not being a...

Why is there such a stigma for people going to therapy? I will never understand that. Right now, I'm learning about therapists having therapy sessions for other therapists. It is a thing, you know.  Why on earth has therapy gotten such a bad wrap? I think it's much healthier than going from person to person with our problems. I have learned through my own toxic behavior that going to other people with my problems is the last thing I would ever want to do. That is because you bring that toxic energy to other people that don't deserve it. They don't deserve your issues. They don't deserve the obstruction to their lives. What if they don't have the proper tools to know how to respond? What if they have their own issues they're dealing with? It's an approach I'm still learning about on how to navigate relationships in general.  I know we can't always be sunshine and rainbows, but we also cannot depend on someone to be a soundboard to negativity all t...

Do you remember your favorite teacher or teachers? What makes them your favorite? What makes them your least favorite?  The teachers I have had, all taught me something I needed to know. Of course as a much younger person, I didn't correlate any of my experiences with my teachers as something I needed to know at that time. I just thought I had cool ones and not so cool ones.  Teachers have been entering and exiting our lives for the majority of our lived experience. And everyone we have encountered has been our teacher in some way, not just the ones in formal k-12 education.  This is why recurring cycles happen. Until I figured out the areas of myself that needed extra attention, I was still meeting the same person with the same lesson, just from a different human. I will never forget Adam. When I was a middle school teacher about a lifetime ago, Adam and his friend were in the same section of my Spanish I class. The two were complete opposites, but they tried not to be. ...

Life has become relatively calm.  I admit I made some drastic changes after some pretty difficult challenges these past several months which included the two main areas of my life: my job, my daughter. It amazes me that buried memories come out to the surface when you least expect them. It's like playing hide and seek, only you're hiding for 40 years and you surely don't want to seek what it is that has been in hiding. Ha! Three years ago, I made the decision to be a backer to a project that I was so proud of becoming a small part of as an executive producer. It is a film short called Grummy. It wouldn't be until three years later, after having my daughter that I actually recalled my own experiences as a child, and understanding the reason why I found myself so compelled at that time three years ago to be part of making sure that this story was made. Childhood abuse is not uncommon, it is actually so commonplace that it's scary. You'll know what I'm talking ...

You have to make a conscious decision that you will not live your life to promote your trauma. It's actually one of the main reasons I am working on my personal baggage and taking ownership in how I approach relationships. And by approach, I have nothing to do with them at the moment; the romantic ones. In the past, I tried to establish boundaries far too late. I didn't know I was actually able to have boundaries and that those boundaries were able to be respected without question. It was high time I began understanding I needed to reconcile certain aspects of my trauma that I had never acknowledged to being a problem. Going to therapy, talking about it constructively, and not using it as an excuse for bad behavior is essential to growing healthy relationships. Use trauma as a tool for understanding, a tool for growth, a tool for changing behavior. Evolution doesn't come if you're stuck with your trauma; you will just stay stuck in the same cycles. The same actions resu...

Reflecting on what life is like and all of the phases my life has been through; all of the experiences that I've disclosed of the small glimpse of my life written down here as memories; all of the challenges I've overcome and what I perceived to be successes. It's all just crazy to think that I have walked in places that I wouldn't dream of walking in again; the endless attempts at trying to fit into a world that wasn't for me to fit into; the martyrdom that I so foolishly assigned myself to, as if I signed up for a lifetime course in naivete 101.  I remember the exquisite dinner menus written on placards that consisted of 5 courses and included with each course would be its own generous portion of signature wine tastings. The stunning intricate ice sculptures that when the bartenders served a martini, they poured the contents of the martini down the ice sculpture where it would travel to its base for a show stopping performance with the perfectly chilled martini be...

I'm sitting here getting my tires replaced because, well, they needed to be replaced. I had put it off for quite some time, and now that one of them has a steady leak, I bit the bullet and decided to just replace them all.  I brought work with me because I wasn't exactly sure how long it would take, so I sat down in an area where I could at least respond to emails. Just a couple of minutes after I sat down, a man with his one year old son sat down beside me. He was feeding him, spilled some of his coffee, was all thumbs until he regrouped and began feeding him again. It was so precious. I offered him some wipes because that's what parents do! But he had plenty. We then began talking about our children. He said he has three; a daughter 11, son 8, and his son he was holding and feeding, just a little over a year old. He was so kind and so patient. You could tell he was mild mannered, loving, caring, genuine. I showed him a picture of my daughter and he said, oh yeah, you can ...