Time


Time. Sometimes we need a lot of it. It has taken me something around a year or so, to really open up. And by opening up, I mean, seriously opening up to actually feel like myself again. I confess I couldn't go to certain events, meetings, or activities within my community because of the healing that was required to take place. I almost feel like I abandoned my community in a sense. I deleted mutual friends that I had with my ex because I refused to even allow photographs flood my Facebook timeline because it would trigger me. I would have panic attacks. I was just a damn mess. And it's not because I didn't want to participate in my community. I just couldn't. I didn't feel safe. I mean, would you? Even after my divorce, he was still trying to bully and abuse me. (Which these mutual friends knew nothing about, nor anyone for that matter). So not only was I ghosted completely during the entire divorce process which required me to get a lawyer in order to get it all over with, but I was also unghosted and verbally attacked via text messages. I mean, come on. Why continue to abuse when it was over. Just to show me ¿quién es más macho? I was focused on my physical and emotional healing.

But here we are in present day. I recently met someone that kind of scares me because of the powerful connection I feel toward them. Don't get me wrong, this person is so lovely. This person is beautiful. I don't know how to tell this person either. I think we both have had our share of immense pain and disappointment as well. The connection feels so deep in nature, that it is impossible to ignore at this point. It is as if I have known this person before. I don't know how to express myself either. I feel like a fish out of water right now. It's so strange for me to be speechless. It came out of nowhere. And I am wondering if this person is feeling the same thing. But I don't know how to ask. I don't know how to approach this situation. The urgency I feel, the feelings I am feeling, are on the verge of being so unnatural because of the intensity of the feeling to want to be so much closer. Curiosity has taken over. All of my instincts are telling me to move. All of this unexpected inspiration. The dreams that have been so real. What on earth is this? What do I do? Time has changed everything.



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