La Trenza del Barrio

Lately I have been doing my best to not take life so seriously. Don't get me wrong, I take life seriously. I have to adult every day. I have to show up. I wear my "big girl pants." And all that adult-like stuff where people put expectations on me and I put expectations on myself. But what life has shown me is to lighten the f*&^ up. So I try to laugh as much as possible. I try to make others laugh as much as possible as well. I'd like to think I'm pretty damn funny. With all of the seriousness that is plastered everywhere and all of the hate and fear that is thrown in our faces, I am far from trying to be anything but light and airy. I'm tired of all of the seriousness. And it's funny because I live life pretty damn deep. But for the masses, seeing how angry, stressed, exhausted, conflicted, <<insert adjective>>, a rewiring of the state of mind of the brain can change everything. Our best lessons for staying light can come from children.

Time. Sometimes we need a lot of it. It has taken me something around a year or so, to really open up. And by opening up, I mean, seriously opening up to actually feel like myself again. I confess I couldn't go to certain events, meetings, or activities within my community because of the healing that was required to take place. I almost feel like I abandoned my community in a sense. I deleted mutual friends that I had with my ex because I refused to even allow photographs flood my Facebook timeline because it would trigger me. I would have panic attacks. I was just a damn mess. And it's not because I didn't want to participate in my community. I just couldn't. I didn't feel safe. I mean, would you? Even after my divorce, he was still trying to bully and abuse me. (Which these mutual friends knew nothing about, nor anyone for that matter). So not only was I ghosted completely during the entire divorce process which required me to get a lawyer in order to get it all

Are our "failed" relationships due to a series of lessons we are supposed to experience in our lifetime? Are those "failed" connections due to a lack in foundation? Is the point of letting go of things that no longer serve our highest good aim to assist us in reaching the truth about self? Should I look at it that way? Coming from a broken system, not knowing about healthy relationships could possibly be this diagnosis. If I do something, it's with my whole being, my whole soul, but with a point of reference that was not exactly healthy. I tolerated way more than I probably should have. I think as we live our life and continue to re-evaluate our choices, we come to new conclusions and understand ourselves better after having those experiences, whether positive or negative in nature. But that is only if we choose to repair or revise a behavior we feel needs to be changed. Some people do not choose to change anything because they do not see issue with their behavi

Wow. So here we are. Here it is. Bam! Right in your face. LOVE. Will you shy away from it when it appears? Will it scare you? Will you trust it? Will you go for it? Wow. It's such a complex word, yet so simple and pure. To allow love is to allow life. Are you truly living? As I have lived my life experience, it always goes back to that one word: LOVE. I've learned so much in my 38 years. I've learned about things like abandonment, abuse, deceit, lies, illness, machismo, all of which were quite unpleasant. And it absolutely took me time to understand that none of it was real because none of it defined who I am.  I had a choice to take that baggage with me, or surrender to life and what life was trying to teach me at each moment in time. I choose not to allow any of those experiences to define my character. I refuse to be detached and afraid to love and be vulnerable. The healing I needed in order to let go of all of my baggage has taken place. I'm feeling romantic

I dropped out of school. Shhh...don't tell anyone. I have dedicated my life to education. Seriously, my entire life. We were given two choices; either become a nurse or become a teacher. I chose education. I got my Bachelor of Arts in Spanish and Education and a Master of Education with an emphasis on curriculum design. I was proud of that. It took grit and determination, among other things. I am, however, a statistic. I only lasted three years in the traditional education system. I was a high school Spanish teacher. It was one of the best times of my life. I have so many good memories, so many good stories. My students were always making me laugh. I just couldn't stay stuck inside a box and be traditional about anything, sticking to a curriculum that I may not have agreed with entirely. I was almost through my Master's program when I vowed to myself that I would never return to a traditional classroom setting. And I never did. I have since been involved with studen

I am devastated. You know, there are elements of our lives that become influential factors in how we go about our every day. Escapism, in whatever form it looks like, allows for the soul to simply rest and become one with things that distract us from the pains of life. There were many things I didn't understand growing up. Many things I saw, things that would shape the way I saw relationships. But then there was music, there were books, there were movies, there were television shows. And it seemed alright for my spirit to imagine what the potential of a different reality could look like. And that's not to say that my life hasn't been good. I love my life. And every experience I have had has shaped me into the woman I am today. And for that, I am grateful. The way we are shaped as people are a direct result of what influences us the most. I was running errands today when I heard the news of Luke Perry's passing. It is something about his gentleness and loving soul

I will always tell the truth I will always follow through I am a woman of my word I have been disappointed enough to know that these three things are important if you want authentic relationships and friendships based on trust and loyalty. And if I cannot deliver on any one of these, I will absolutely call myself out and take ownership instead of leave someone hanging. This is why the friendships I have are to the core of my being and for life. There are so many people who do not understand this. And this is why I now have no problem letting them go. If I decide to pursue a relationship, it will be emotionally, spiritually, and then physically. Being emotionally available is essential. If a person is unwilling to try, then there is no point for me to try either. This past weekend, I was face to face with my abuser, after over a year and a half of not speaking to him. I don't know why he initiated conversation with my family; I don't know why he talked to any of us. But