La Trenza del Barrio

I was in the middle of a meeting when I got the call. The call that would change my life even further. I'm having a baby girl. What name will I give her? She has an amazing personality already. Fluttering around in my belly. I feel her vibrate and buzz around when I least expect it. It is the most fascinating experience of my life. It is pure magic.

For the longest time, having children was a fear of mine. I didn't want any for so many reasons. As life progressed, I learned that it was my biggest desire to have a real family of my own, and to find someone who truly understood what it meant to co-exist in a partnership. I am as independent as they come, and a person who completely loathes co-dependency after years of thriving on it in some way, shape, or form. The validation I needed from my exes was due to my own insecurities which I have since overcome and realized that I was indeed co-dependent. I do not and have never denied my brokenness. There was a time I didn't know it was not just them; it was me, too. I had to take responsibility to heal all of those layers that stunted my growth and made me allow men to treat me like shit. Throughout the years of abuse I have endured, those experiences jaded me in the sense that, I would have to really work to heal all of the trauma in order to be in a space where I could even ...

I haven't really been able to decide how I feel. I haven't been able to really identify my emotions just yet. My initial reactions were surprisingly calm. I think I contribute my calmness to how I have learned about my triggers and how they no longer control my life. But at the same time, I think in combination with all of my hormones all over the place and also my views on the situation, I do feel a sense of loss because of the voluntary departure of my beautiful familiar that has now become nothing more than a donor, but also a sense of abundance because of the newness of having a new tenant in my uterus. I think as much as we try to control our lives, there is a greater power out there that shows us that we are not as in control as we think we are. Rolling with the ebb and flow of life has certainly become a lesson that is worth diving into because of how ego can take over and create chaos in an otherwise beautiful experience that should be looked upon as happening for o...

2019 has certainly been a life changing year. I have recently made a huge decision that changes the course of my life as I know it; a decision that I never imagined I would be faced with in my lifetime. It is a gift that has been bestowed upon me by my beautiful familiar that I've known for lifetimes. He didn't see it that way. Not at all. He gave me one option that would make him comfortable. But it was the one option that I would decline; the option that would destroy my identity as a human being if I had agreed to what would make him comfortable. I have been through enough in my life to know that every single experience I have ever had, happens for a reason. Can I offer this to you? No. No? Well, if that is not good enough, I cannot do anything about that. We all have a choice as to how we look at every situation. We can see it as negative or as something being rearranged for our highest good. And trust me, it has taken me a long time to get to this mind set. I am no l...

When my sister and I were little girls, my mother put us in piano lessons. We learned how to play various songs and would go home to practice in preparation for the recital we would be a part of to show our family what we learned. I remember my mother put us in these cute light pink ruffley dresses. It was the 80's. Those ruffles were on all of the dresses. It is one of just a few memories I have from my childhood that has stuck with me to this day. The irony of this is that the exact place I did that piano recital when I was a little girl, was the exact place that I performed for the first time, vocally, yesterday. Musical theater is something I've always wanted to do. And it is something I've been terrified to do at the same time. I could barely hold the mic when I was singing my verse and bridge of the song. It became so heavy that I was forced to hold it with two hands as to not drop it. This could possibly be the most important moment in time that I could ever ...

When you finally find yourself within the chaos, having taken a healthy pause, the chaos vanishes. Falling in love with myself has been an amazing journey. Love is amazing! The new mindset comes after such an incredible spiritual journey, which I embrace so much that I now understand that in order to attract abundance, you have to stay positive even within the perceived chaos, stay present in the moment, and understand that a temporary circumstance, however challenging, is just that, temporary. The universe works with you and presents the path you are meant to be on. The way you interpret a situation is completely up to you, but what if?! What if a situation is meant to create an even better path? An even better experience? TRUST! Trust with all your being, and life shows you the way you are meant to go. Allow. Falling in love means the ego has taken a back seat and the heart and mind are trusting and fighting for truth!

Releasing has been a spiritual journey for the history books. I am owning everything I still need to work on and I am doing the spiritual pilgrimage to my own personal energy healing. There was so much to sift through. The spiritual teachers that have been a part of this journey, I will forever be indebted to and grateful for because I don't think I would have been able to do it on my own. I understand that I deserve to be the best version of myself to reach my highest potential, living my life driven by my purpose. What no longer serves me, I bid you, adieu. And I mean that for real. I refuse to continue to expose myself to what hurt me in the first place. That would be self-torture at its finest; self-inflicted. Why would I need a constant reminder? When you keep revisiting something, it means that another evolution must take place, a reflection to gain a new understanding of something you thought you had under control. It's interesting to me how that happens. What els...